Monday, December 14, 2015

The craziest Sh!t I have ever heard {Merry Christmas}

Like most of you, I have been on Amazon shopping for everything that {santa} will bring this year to all kinds of lovely people in my life.  At one point I had ordered so many things I had to stop and make a list (even though I can look at my account history right there on Amazon! LOL).  Anywho...I ordered several things for myself.  These were things I have been wanting that happened to be deeply discounted during the frenzy that is Christmas shopping.  All of the stuff I order from Amazon likes to go to my Mama and Daddy's house, and it is stuck in my maiden name.  Amazon is now so old that the first order I made from there happened in my senior year of college when I was scrambling to design a unit for student teaching.  This makes me feel old.  BUT, I digress...
It is good that the stuff goes to my Mama's b/c then the kids don't look at all of it right away at least.  
Last Wednesday I had to go to my Mama's for a visit and to check out all the purchases that were continually arriving at her house.  She  was amused, I must say, as I opened all of the boxes.  One oof them contained both things I ordered for myself!  One was an instantpot! and the other was a car vacuum.  Both of these are items I highly recommend.  Get ready for the crazy part...
My Mama asked me:  Are you going to wrap that up for yourself?  But she said it in a more of am imperative tone of voice...like she was heavily suggesting that I wrap this giant pot up for myself.  
ughhh.. "no,"  I said, "I am going to pop it right into my car, and I am going to cook some lentils in it this weekend!"  :)  I said this in a cheery tone of voice b/c you don't smart mouth, or smart tone my Mama. 
We had a brief discussion about how silly that would be...but then we got into other conversations, b/c I just kept opening boxes.
The next day at school I decided to take an official poll...I was going to ask people from a wide variety of backgrounds (younger, older, black, white, hispanic, weathy, broke as hell etc.) if they do this strange thing I will call, "self gifting."  Before I even started I had a hunch that this was something that only those of us with the XX chromosomes would EVER dream of doing.  It reeks of ...shit, I don't even know a word..but I will describe it...
Just in case all of the people in my house--who I take care of everyday--are so shitty and unthoughtful that they do not give me a present, I am going to SAVE THEM THE EMBARRASSMENT of being so thoughtless and selfish, that i am going to take time out and wrap up something for myself!!! 
WTF??
Let me tell you, all the women I polled said, "oh sure!" --cue the very confused, {do I actually have the XY combo} face...???
What!!!??
One was Mrs. Bailey.  She is an older black lady--probably my dad's age.  She has taught school since I was a little girl, but she is tech savvy and all that.  I enjoy visiting with her whenever she substitutes.  She chuckled and said, "oh yeah..."  Then she explained...if you don't you might not get anything..
Next was Emily, who is about three or four years younger than me.  She is a teacher.  She said...oh, yeah..I wrap up a couple and then if I see that my husband has brought something home, I go ahead and open them early...
Then came several other teachers who I asked...and they all said yes.  They buy something they like (with their own money that they work for every day) and then they wrap the item up and put it under the tree.
Y'all this is crazy as hell.  I am calling it out.  If someone can't buy me a present...then I don't even want one.  If I work, and go and buy myself something...I am going to use it when it comes..that is not a present!! 
The only part of the polling that i have neglected is the part where I ask men this...
oh yeah..I wonder how many men folks do some crazy thing like this...
By the way, I wrapped the stuff Saturday and put it under the tree--it says from "Santa" on it, which my kids think is a hoot...
I told them he already had to come and drop their stuff off...they said, "mama, how come it is your handwriting?"  I said, "b/c Santa told me to write that on there...duh"  I have so much fun with being the imaginary creatures..I just make it up as I go along...the Amazon warehouse is where Santa lives--and the UPS truck is a sleigh....It is just as good as any of the other stories...
Merry Christmas to all, and all you lady friends out there...go out and buy yourself something real nice, and DON'T WRAP IT UP!! buy it b/c it is on a good sale, and use it immediately!! 

Sunday, December 6, 2015

December party {a Wishington post}

Suzanne and Randy began to realize that their friendships in Wishington were needing constant re-evaluation, and Suzanne was truly wondering WTF, as this was beginning to seem pretty much like middle school. 
For example, one of the years in December they were invited to the 40th birthday party of the husband of Boarding school friend.
Randy and Rick Richard McRichardson V were really not that great friends, but really, guys tend to be be at leat friendly with most others.  So, Randy and Suzanne decided, why not head over to celebrate.
Mind you, they had to head over to a {farm} that was at least an hour away.  Suzanne called the {friend} to let her know they would be attending.  (RSVP).
Friend had a note of surprise in her voice, but Suzanne brushed it off.  They were  excited to have a date night, a night to hang out and socialize, and to help celebrate Rick's turning 40.  Suzanne was a firm believer that if someone invited you to a birthday party, in particular, it was rude not to go and help them celebrate (you were important enough to that person so they wanted you to be there so they invited you etc.)
Off they headed.  
Boarding school girl had told Suzanne that she and about four other girls were all going together with a driver ...Suzanne thought nothing of it.
When they arrived at the party everything was fun enough.  There were tons of people to talk to, cool places to be, lots of yummy food etc.
Theree came a critical moment when they had to decide...are we staying for the night, or going.  Suzanne and Randy decided to stay b/c they were having fun still and there was a crowd.  Then at around sometime ...who knows what time it was...Suzanne noticed there were no other women ANYWHERE!!  At the WHOLE place.  Had she missed a critical memo???
Not only were the five moms with the driver gone...all the other women were gone too!
Suzanne and Randy sat around for a while, slept on some couches for a while, and then around two AM, Randy decided they would get the hell out of there.  
Thank God for Randy!! --That is what Suzanne was thinking..
Otherwise she did not know what to think...
The wishington social scene had her totally baffled!