Thursday, September 4, 2014

If only I were able

to sit down with any one of my blog readers (is anyone still there?? LOL) and say even a quarter of what I would like to write here, you would know what I really wish my blog could {still} be.
HOWEVER, knowing that it is so public makes that level of {sharing} an impossibility.  This is so sad to me.
When Andy and I first started our moving home adventure I was so unknowing.  I spent my Saturdays spending twenty bucks at the farmer's market to buy veggies.  I made home made pizza dough and put the fresh veggies on it.  I relished in the fruit trees in our yard, and how we picked that stuff and ate it.  I was always on the verge of crazy with me and my kids and a husband in a job/career transition.  There were only two kids.
I knew few people.  I was fine with that.  If someone invited me to do something --that was super.
If no one did--didn't care etc.  BC i was happy with my plants, books, husband, toddlers etc.
We did not even seek outside social engagements etc.  We were just living.
I soon found out that my {bestie} really had no time for me, in real life.
After a summer of chasing her, I gave up.  We see eachother one time a season now.
No worries.
Six years have passed.
A kid was born.
I have voted here.
Andy and I were adopted into some kind of social circle--only to be ditched {sadly?}.
Oh, and I think  another one just dissolved...
My friends are my co-workers.
There is so much I could say about my life here on my blog, and here in this town.  I would truly be a nice release to just write it all down, and let go of it.
There is so much commentary that could be funny, and entertaining, and eye opening--depending upon your perspective.  BUT--I cannot make it.
You see, my town has stifled me.
I am trapped by all of the {whatever} that goes on here.
So, I will not comment on any of it.
I will just suffer it, very occasionally I will relish in some part of it (living near our parents/work friends).
And I will always wonder, as all parents do, is {this} the place where I should really be rasing my children?
Are {these} values mine?
Instead I will share mom tidbits, and some snark every now and then about a trivial current event, or some idea that crosses my mind.
That is the only thing my blog can be.


Bethany said...

I hear you... I'm here for you... I'm still reading! And I like your stories and random thoughts... {Bloggy Buds} forevah! And, can share the small town woes. I was thinking of you today, a good, lengthy chat time was needed.

Melissa said...

I miss you!! And I'm still reading! Sometimes I wish I could blog more openly too. I haven't really known what to share lately :(. It's such a hard balance! Anyways I SO MISS YOU!!!