Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Dante's Inferno

Does anyone remember reading The Inferno in about 10th grade?  Yeah, I hardly do either.  I just remember Dante described nine rings of hell in this renaisance work of literature (was it from the renaisance?).  Since reading The Inferno, I have referred back to it throughout my life whenever I am in situations that are horrible. Usually these situations are 1.  crowded, 2. urban, 3.  involve heavy commercialism, 4.  seem very contrived and unecessary.
Recently I had an experience that definitely fit my "rings of hell" description.  I said it right out loud--I always do when I experience my personal versions of hell.
We went to Myrtle Beach.  We were at the High School.  We were finished dancing and we had time to pass before we were going to play putt-putt with all of the dance girls.  We had three and a half hours to pass.
So we headed across the road to Broadway at the Beach.  We pulled into the parking lot on the end where there was a medium sized fake light house and a Hampton Inn.  We parked, close enough to the place and walked in through an archway.  This end of the place was labeled with some contrived moniker...I don't remember what it was called (thank God).  When we walked in I saw some large rides--like the kind at Busch Gardens, not the kind at the fair.  Then I saw some shops.  My 10 year old little girls are not shoppers, and without ANY money--nor am I.  We were thirsty, so we walked over to a sweet shop to see what they would have to drink. It was the blistering hot part of the day.  In the sweet shop the bile began to rise up in my throat when I saw 13.49 per lb. bulk candy.  Just to clue my daughter in about how ridiculous this was, I told her you can buy THE best pound of shrimp for that much at home.  Just to clue you in, in case you are not a seafood eater, a lb. of fried shrimp is enough for five people. :)  Also, there were treats like turtles, caramels, and chocolate dipped pretzel rods, which cost FIVE DOLLARS APIECE!  Okay anyone who takes two ten year old little girls into a sweet shop and does not let them get some candy is getting hell points.  We (no, I) decided that they could buy a quarter pound of candy and I bought each of them a three dollar lemonade.  I thought to myself, let my buy two of those pretzel rods so that I can poke my eyes out and pretend that I never saw a four dollar pretzel rod!! There was some man in there who was my dad's age who inquired about one of the treats and you could just see his face fall when the cashier told him the price...Old guys love sweet treats.  
Moving right along, I went into the next store to ask the clerk what in the hell type of place were we in here??  She  clued me in that this place was everything in one.  You've got your rides, your museums, your movie theaters, your shops, your giant chain restaurants....umm hmmm I thought.  So...what in the hell are we going to do for three hours??  My girls did not want to ride rides.  They are scared of rides.  We NEVER have money to shop, so going in stores is like torture.  We decided on the Ripley's aquarium.  That part was fine, no complaints--oh wait, yes, I do have one--no two!  There were so many damn people in that place that you could barely get up there to see the fish, also the clerk sold me two guidebooks for two dollars apiece.  She said she was "giving" them to me, but when I got home and looked at the receipt--they cost 2 bucks!! {dishonesty probably abounds in hell}.  We did manage to spend an hour and pico in the aquarium.  I love a good aquarium.  I mean watching a trapped giant octopus glide through a tank will calm even the most frazzled nerves.  I was even amused at all the people taking pictures of the animals..newsflash--that is what Google images is for...you don't have to photograph the animals. :)  I mean are they experiencing some kind of emotional connection with that particular shark or something??  We were herded through the gift shop to leave the museum, as in that was the ONLY way out!  We had to look at all the overpriced, plastic stuff, made in China that was ocean-themed before we could leave--good try commercial demon spawn!! 
After this I was hungry.  The girls said they were not, but they eat like birds and it was almost supper time.  I went with the very early supper, bc nothing makes me furiouser than being forced to wait for shitty food at a chain restaurant along with a giant herd of drooling fellow humans.  We went to Carlos and Charlie's b/c it was the first restaurant we saw when we left the aquarium.  If you ever pass one of these restaurants--keep walking-- Please, I beg you!  This was the shittiest shitty big restaurant food I have ever paid for.  The fried shrimp (for the girls, I know better) looked like the ends of golf clubs.  Both girls looked at me like, "what the f*#$ is the this??"  They both tried to eat a couple.  Then there was the {guacamole}.  It was green slimey goo.  If you ever make you own, you will realize that guacamole is not supposed to be green slimey goo.  My soup cost 9 dollars.  It was this:  a can of cream of tomato soup, some canned corn, and some canned beans.  BAM!  there you have it folks, Tamale soup!  When we left this restaurant we saw about fifty more that all looked a lot better.  We also saw all of the people sitting around outside in the summer heat waiting to pay way to much money for some shitty food.. LOL!  They all looked ill and tired --there they sat, with the 1.50 bottles of water waiting for their vittles.  I was glad we were not doing that.  :)
This post is going to have to finish up with part two...I have to run an errand, and my IPAd might mess it up if I don't publish soon. :)

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