Wednesday, July 22, 2015

Part two (Dante's Infterno)

There we were cruising along, dando un paseo en this strange place --along with about everyone else I could ever imgaine not wanting to EVER EVER see. There were planked walkways--so maybe one might feel like one were walking along actual piers?? There were jet boat rides in the "lake". BTW at Broadway on the Beach "lake" equals strangely blue water FULL of voracious cat fish waiting to be fed food by spectators who just bought some food out of a machine nearby. The fish climb atop one another clamoring to get some of the pellets. This was slightly amusing to me. Slightly. The place goes in a circle, at the end of which, our destination lay in wait--the giant putt putt course. I realized how expensive this place was so I gave the girls a head's up. If putt putt is too expensive (I could just picture the 20 dollar price on the board already), we will have to go back to the cottage and play games. I cannot spend forty dollars to play putt putt, when we have to buy gas to get home. We kept walking...going into shops became then thing to do b/c there was a blast of air conditioning that awaited the customer who ventured in. I did wonder, however, how did all those businesses afford to cool their shops with the doors wide open? How does an air conditioning unit overcome that kind of stress? 100 degrees outside, cooled to 72 inside with open doors... (WTF?) If you have not already caught one, care for the environment is not {exactly} what one should focus on when visiting this particular {place}. We finally got to putt putt--thirty minutes early. We bought a 1.50 bottle of water (does anyone else remember the free cup of water one could get from a spigot?). We sat peacefully on a bench and waited. I would say we people watched, but I no longer like to people watch in these situations b/c I wished I were not with those people in that place.  I don't want to look at all of them and watch them sweat as they wait, apparently miserably, for their overpriced giant steaks, as they argue with their bratty kids about buying over-priced plastic shit from china, as they buy five dollar pretzel rods, as they feed the freaky fish, as they take pictures of aquarium fish, as they buy soda and water after soda and water to quench their neverending thirst induced by walking on the hot ass asphalt and planks of wood.  There is not an 8 dollar beer in the world that could make me enjoy a place like  this..  
I think there was more written in part two.  It disappeared at some point.  Now I have to find a way to get back on my train of though b/c this post must be finished! :)  I have to get us out of this place.  We did escape.  
Elena and Yineth went to play putt putt with some wonderful dad who took a team of little girls to putt putt.  This putt putt was the fanciest one I have ever seen, complete with a fire breathing dragon who only appeared every thirty minutes, just to build up that anticipation.  There was an exploding volcano that was so hot it spread heat onto us twenty feet below it, that could be felt above and beyond the sweltering summer heat that already enveloped us (so it was very very hot).  While they played putt putt some other dance moms and I went to get a beer.  Just deciding where to try to get the beer was an event, as all of the restaurants had hoardes of people waiting outside them for some food--I won't go there again.  We ended up at the Margaritaville bar--it was called the sandbar or something catchy, we bussed a table for ourselves and after about ten minutes someone came over to sell me a five dollar and 25 cent Michelob Ultra--I have included a tip in that price--but still!  As we sat enjoying our beers we chatted and this is what I said, "This place is just wild to me, it is like Wal-Mart on steroids!"  When you put my proclamation into context, it could have been disastrous.  I was sitting among four other women.  They might have been women who just loved this place---eek!  There were a lot of women who loved this place too, the people were crowded shoulder to shoulder in every inch of walking space.  One could not walk without dodging people.  So, people do love this place, make no mistake about it.  One  of my co dance moms goes there "all the time"  They have a condo at M.B. so they go there for entertainment on the regular.  She said they never go around the whole thing, they just skip to the parts they like.  I liked none of the parts. ;).  
As we walked I was careful not to overshare my opinions b/c you never know, the 10 year old little girls might have been having the time of their lives.  I tried to keep it upbeat and positive--and keep breathing.  When the putt putt was finished we had to stay for some pictures and then we were released to exit via the same port we entered.  Thankfully we were very close to the lighthouse b/c we had gone full circle at Broadway at the Beach.  The girls, it turns out, were thrilled with this place.  They were thrilled with the visit to the aquarium, seeing the freaky fish, the upside down building, and most of all playing putt putt with the other girls and the dad hero.  I just did a little Aunt Mary style umm hmmm chuckled to myself and boogied to the car.  
I can not say I will never go to this place again b/c I will.  Elena will dance again next year and I will take her to play putt putt again with her dance friends.  I think we will do it like my dance mom friend and only go for that part.  In the mean time I will find other parts of Myrtle beach to explore.
While I walked around I really wondered to myself, for whom is this a true vacation destination. 
*People who could afford five dollar pretzel rods are not vacationing here--they are in the bahamas in a villa with a nanny for their children--swimming and boating in the real ocean with the sting rays etc--not in the aquarium.
**People who are like me at all--broke as hell and agoraphobic--don't enjoy this place b/c we immediately realize we don't have money to spend here and we can't stand that many people around us--ever.
* Are people saving up money all year long to go here and buy plastic aquarium fish and eat crappy food at chain restaurants?? ughh...I don't even want to think about that.
**here is a funny--at somepoint I might have to stay at that Hampton Inn b/c the dance competition happens right across the road at Myrtle beach high school LOL!  I can wake up and enjoy the view of a lighthouse, a volcano, an upside down house, and a dragon all at once!  I bet that crazy blue water looks like the carribbean from 10 stories up. ;)
**I felt bad about knocking the place in front of the other ladies, but then I thought--nah!  They are grown ups, they can handle an opposite opinion.  I have places I love and if someone knocks them, I don't care.
Okay, over and out!

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