A second adolescence?

I am 39.  In June the big 40 is coming.  It seems that at close to 40 I am experiencing a second adolesence.  This mostly manifests itself in the rapidly changing relationship I have with my parents.  In order to understand the change, dear reader, you have to know how the relationship {was}.

All my life my parents have taken care of me.  There. Simple as that!  They listen to me.  We converse.  When I was little, they helped with homework when I needed it.  Over time a lot of that help has come in the form of {back up} money.  They have always given me emotional support.  It all goes back to the basics.  They take care of me.  When Andy and I first moved back to Washington they even took care of our children during the day while we worked, or at night if we went out.  

Over the past couple of years, however, this has been changing.  My children are all older.  They are at school all day (as of four years ago).  Andy and I are at work all day.  The  times when we see our parents are mostly snippets of time on the weekends.  We eat lunch at my parents' house almost every Sunday.  Sometimes my mama will cry to me about how fast my children have grown up.  She mourns the loss of babies and toddlers, while I (in my active mamahood) enjoy and relish in all their changes.

One time about two summers ago, I was at their house and my mama and I had a pretty rough argument.  She was doing her usual (sort of criticizing me or some choice I made), and in one instant I decided, "Damn it! I am not listening to this kind of talk ever again!"  my children and I left.  We were upset with eachother for a bit, and it passed.  

Do you see the struggle there?  How it closely resembles adolescence?  She was criticizing our dogs.  Well, she doesn't even like dogs, so what she thinks of mine is irrelevant to me.  Funny thing, before I would have taken the criticism to heart. It would have affected me.  All  of a sudden, that day, I just thought: "This is crazy as hell!  I don't care what you think about my dogs!!"

My dad is really aging.  It has become harder and harder to have conversations with him.  There is no medical diagnosis to explain this change, but I bet you can read between the lines.

I have always been a daddy's girl!! He is my favorite person, just about!! He is a very smart man who, not so long ago, built two rooms onto my house for {free}.  He loves us and will do just about anything for us.  

Adolescence take two has also interferred here.  All of a sudden he became the classic "grumpy old man"  We had several instances of him really blasting some decision I made.  At some point I thought, "hold on a minute, this is not even like your Dad, Susan, what in the hell is going on?"  

This change has been exrta tough on me.  

It is super hard to realize that:  most any daily conversation you would have with a friend, your parents don't want to hear it, or cannot understand it, if you need money you must earn it at your job or go to the {real} bank, if something is broken--Daddy can't fix it (even if he thinks he still can), if you have some controversial opinion or discussion to have--these two aren't your conversation partners.  My mama cannot hear so well anymore, so she does a lot of lip reading, thus phone conversations are a bitch, to say the least.  She is mostly a cut-to-the-chase phone partner b/c she cannot hear you.

When we visit ever-so-briefly on Sundays (my mama likes brief visits only) we mostly just remember stuff.  They like to reminisce.  My dad has about three conversations he is able to have.  I am a fan of none of them.  

Over the past couple of years I have struggled through this change.  It makes me cry!  Sometimes I wish my parents were the ones at every ball game, every school show, every band concert etc.  But then I realize--they have their own life.  They are older.  They didn't even enjoy those events when I was little, why would they want to go now?  Check ins are nice.  My mama still likes to help out.  When we are sick she will run things by the house, like chicken noodle soup, or goodie bags.  She and I can visit and chat about books we are reading, or PBS shows. {Thank God for Masterpiece theater!!}

I had no idea this would happen, but I wish I would have had a head's up.  My grandparents died when I was super young, or before I was born in the case of 3 of them.  My parents never experienced the second adolescence with their own parents.  I do have friend in whom I can confide.  We ask one another, "Are your parents doing this too?"  "have you stopped discussing anything financial with your parents too?  

Over the past six months I have decided to "lean in"  I just accept what is.  I just enjoy them when and how I can.  I am sure they are doing the same.  There is so much love!  My children love them so!  The hugs exchanged between my parents and my children on Sundays might make up for any kind of rich meaningful conversations I might be having with them.  

I will never know those again, however, b/c--well has anyone every heard of a reversal of any kind of adolescence?  Vamos para adelante!  Remembering is what we will do.