Friday, October 8, 2010

Exclusive

Yesterday I heard something from my children that I have not heard yet.  It was a first.
It was this: "I am going to make a sign that says, 'Victor is not allowed in my room.'"
(Insert the sound of my heart beginning to break into tiny little chips that are falling right off the side...a teeny bit)
I was a little sister.
When my sister did this to me when I was little --it broke my heart.
I just wanted to do whatever she was doing--even if she was being mean and bossy...
When she excluded me it was the most dejected feeling...she was the buddy I got to take for
granted...
But I also learned something very important being the little sister who was cast aside. It was this:
Well to hell with you then...I will just go and play in my own room.
I had to learn this lesson.
You see, if she knew she was breaking my heart--it made the exclusion that much sweeter.
I did not know this as a child--I just knew that my mama told me--
"Oh, Susan, it's okay sweetheart...don't let her bothah you, it doesn't mattah...just go and play your own game"
This was definitely a lesson that was good to learn.  I have used it all my life... .
You don't wanna be around me--well fine...I will just go and play my own game (even if it is by myself)...
It has kept me out of a lot of trouble.

So back to my own children.  Something happens...
It could be:
1.  A child learns to make a sign
2.  A child really wants to be left alone
(both of those are okay reasons in my mind)
or
3. A child wants to exclude another--for some feeling they get from being exclusive...

So interesting to me is this idea of exclusivity...adults do it too, {of course}.
More on that later....
Yesterday, I just told Elena --how to make the sign...
Then I suggested that keeping your siblings on your side is a good idea...and maybe it would
be better to exclude someone who is not a member of our family.
I can't bear to see Victor's dejected face....

1 comment:

Bethany said...

Oh the poor little sad faces! It is hard. yeah, weren't we just talking about {adult exclusivity} this week? They learn that powere too early, huh. Now, the signs around here are No Boys! and No Girls! and Keep Out! with skull & crossbones. Last week the whole door was covered to the floor - Girls rule, boys drool. No boys with DS. :) You should save some of the funny ones - they get so specific! happy Friday...